what it all means to me

i spend a significant amount of my money earned on music. random cds that i feel i should purchase out of love for the artists. then again, i download quite a bit too. i'd say in the end, it all evens out.
i realized what i'm really searching for is a soundtrack, one for you know... life.

the other day i was watching family guy with matthew and peter got three wishes. one of his wishes was to have theme music and i realized that's all i've ever really wanted. i wish that there was some way i could express to people how i'm feeling without actually saying a word. all people, not merely a select few. i say this last part because there is always a small group of people that can tell what's going on without you saying a word.

i found a copy of mother night by vonnegut while waiting for my english class to start. i'm going to read it and leave it somewhere for someone else to find.
i hope the person who had it before me wanted to do the same.

i want to be done with school, i want to have the rest of my life at my finger tips. i want a steady job and steady friends and a quaint place to live. living here is logical but it does not satisfy my mind. i don't know how to tell mom and dad that i really need to move out of this house for my sanity.
they told me i won't have a car anymore and i was thinking about that and i don't care. i wouldn't have a car if i was at a different university so... so what! i only use the car to go to matt's and the grocery store. i buy most of my food.
i need a trial run, that's what i was thinking of earlier but i forgot.

sometimes i don't make sense... even to me. oops?
i want you all to listen to this song and think about your freshman year of high school and how it would make you feel, and how it would change your life... the eels make me think of high school and how oblivious i was. this song in particular.